Incomplete Experiences, Shallow Happiness..

I thought the title was enough to describe what I want to write. However I will go on and fill in this space. I found myself chatting with my friend about my take on happiness. During the conversation I felt that the whole experience of life for me has been very superficial and shallow.

In an effort to expand on the above, I just tried writing how I have been leading my life and how I feel about it, Alas! I could not. Let me cut it short, All my life have been a series of incomplete experiences where each experience created a sky high expectation but almost each of the experience left me with a reality hardly matching half of the original expectation.

And then I watched the movie American Beauty yesterday. I watched it because of the reviews on the movie and for unconventionality of a father falling for beauty of daughter's friend. The movie was great, however what caught me napping was the ending of the movie. It was so profound that I had to play it over and over and over. It beautifully explained the way the hero eventually saw life as a series of moments, but only just before death. Finally he goes on to say ..

'You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry ... you will someday'

(Luckily the same ending of the movie is in Youtube.. Check this and read on..)
Note: this part is should not be watched if you have not seen the movie and want to see it.


Yes, very true. I have no idea on how life can be lived in moments. Every time I played this above video, it used to question me, Question the way I lead my life, the way I experience life, The way I cling on past or future for 'being happy'. How Present just acted like a video player which either played my past events or futures aspirations to gratify the mind. I had no answers to any of the questions.

So here I am waiting for that some day in life where ..
There is completeness in each experience, each moment,
A state of continuous contentment,
A state where life is cherished as moments and not memories,
A state where life is lived with contentment and not hopes,
A state where life is in the present and not of past or future

This wait has been for some time now and now, I am just afraid that this someday will not keep me waiting for too long. But what I can only do is to wait. So I wait.
But what is that wait? .. Just a hope? :-)