Discipline .. divergent Views!

I am a person who was never disciplined and I had my own theory to it.
Here it is..
Discipline was always seen by me as against freedom. Discipline cuts all freedom into pieces. You need to stop this and do that, stop that and do something else and so on. Discipline is something that stops you from being yourself. And it is also .. blah blah ... You can add to this better, I guess!

This conflict (if you want to call it so) was more when it is a weekend as weekdays has a structure of its own and hence an unconscious discipline. But the weekend in which I had ample amount of time to kill as there was ('is' applies well too) no plan in mind (all in the name of freedom). Any plan being made or proposed by others (forget others, even strict rules laid by me) gets squandered away by some unknown but very forceful thought with in (No, I wont call it Laziness).

During weekends I don't do much. Some part of my time will go in chatting with friends, call parents and relatives back in India, Playing cricket (not now, unfortunately). This I would call the most easily spent time of my weekend without any incompletion or resistance. but rest of the day I do not do much except aimlessly surf the net, see some crap videos and just kill the time. when doing these things they don't bring any pain but at the end of each exercise the feeling of incompleteness crops up and grows. But we all know mind gets habituated to what it does over and over. So I was (/am habituated) to this way of spending weekends, I like(d) it or not. And the meaning of the word freedom the way I used earlier was may be a trick of my mind. It never wanted/want me to do anything new which will in turn discomfort it. Like planning something new or doing more stuff.

This week was yet another such weekend. when there was a plan in place put by others I declined it. but with no plans for rest of the 2 days I was really free to do anything I wanted which I think I did so to great extent. But as in my other weekends after the end of 2 days I felt incomplete. I was clueless, wonder why? But I just thought on this incompleteness for a while. There was such a level of discomfort I cannot describe. It seems to stem from lack action according to a plan for the weekend. The river will not be in the state of rest till it reaches the sea so is my mind. And conclusion was that only way out of this incomplete rest or aimless action is to be in another type of action, a planned action, a Disciplined action. But my mind had a justification not to be Disciplined, so how can I contrdict my own theory? But there was another rational thought somewhere in the same mind which came up with a view where I saw discipline in a completely different point altogether. There was a great shift in this view to that of the previous. I was able to see discipline leading me to freedom I was/am craving for.

How? read on..
Discipline is nothing but having a plan in place and doing it religiously. So there will some task X planned for time T1 and task Y for time T2. I am expected to do these as planned. As usual there will be numerous things cropping up to obstruct this plan. It can be an inviting sleep, an interesting movie, a cricket match, an outing or something else. But all these distracting thoughts are driving me towards the same old way of living, which is doing nothing and at the end feel completely incomplete. But I think what one can get being disciplined is detachment. As in a disciplined action I cannot get stuck to a task just because I like it (and justify the same in the name of freedom). I need to move on to the next according to the plan there by detaching myself from the attached comforting action. Thus this very discipline which I was against gives me the Freedom I was after..

Does this make sense to you?
If it did not I am sorry and if it did Lucky you! :-)

Who Am I?

Who I am? Is it not 'The Question'?......

Am I my face?

or this body I am moving with?

or my body and shadow together?

Am I that past where I witnessed some actions in and around me?

Am I my experience?

Am I my likes and dislikes, beliefs and disbeliefs or should I say my views on life?

or Am I this Thought?

Or is it that I Am who I think I am...(Wait! but is what I think is not just another thought of mine)..

Millions died answering this question, and millions will..

And I might be one among those who die clueless about the answer and the question,

And as I see, this Question continues to remain unanswered..

From Eternity, may be for Eternity..